The Coke Shoot-June 24, '03

 

Usually, I get called for standard parties.    You know, to a group of 80 people in the backyard of somebody's house.     Every so often, I get calls for "Strange Events".   Unusual catering jobs.     I'm kind of a catering job "whore".    If there's money to be made, and fun to be had, I'm there!  

 

So I get a call from an Advertising Agency.    They've been hired by Coca Cola to do a National Advertising Campaign, featuring the new Coca Cola Bottle.    The theme of the ad would be a Tailgate party.    The intended use:  A Roadside Billboard.        As an afterthought, somebody had the bright idea to feature a pig in the shoot too.    That's where I came in.    I was to provide the pig.  A 100lb pig.  

 

Now, mind you, they didn't want the Pig.  They just wanted PICTURES of a Pig!!!  At the end of the shoot, I was to get rid of it in whatever means I chose.  

 

 [I always thought it was a little odd that Coca-Cola would approve of this.   I mean, all things considered, lets just say a Pig DID work it's way onto a Billboard.    How many thousands of people would that offend or repulse??!!   Between Vegetarians, Vegans, Muslims and all the squeamish people,  I imagined one of every 10 cars would be tweaked out by this, in one way or another.   But who am I to argue...I just roast the things for money.   If you pay, I roast!     The ramifications of such decisions are simply not my problem.]

 

Before I go on, I should mention that I almost declined the job.  You see, "The Dead" were playing at The PNC Arts Center that night, and I had every intention of going.    But the Ad agency worked everything around me.    They found a lot in a High School in the town of Holmdel, 5 minutes from the venue.    And the timing of the job was such that I could still get to my concert.      So I took the job!   

 

I was still kinda new at the use of this roaster.   Might've been my third outing with it.      I was just beginning to understand how the roaster worked.       I had just bought my second cargo trailer, only a few weeks before and was about to outfit it to build my pigroast operation.   

 

Unfortunately, the early timing was such that I didn't have time to cook the pig onsite.   So I arranged to bring down a 75% cooked pig.  The plan was to "finish" the pig on my roaster.        Since I theoretically didn't have to carve and serve the pig, I came alone.     What I didn't count on was that the butcher gave me the only pig he had...a 125lber.    FAR larger than I wanted or needed.     But I had to take what they gave me. 

 

The Ad Agency was very professional.    In that they were not fooling around.    A full production crew onsite.  A Huge Air conditioned RV for the "Actors".   They had Catering for themselves.  A water truck on standby to make the ground shiny, if needed.     Clearly, Big dollars associated with that operation.     They arranged a whole Tailgate Party scene around a conversion van.    Complete with carpet, canopy, TV sets, grills, coolers, radios, College Kids, footballs, and of course, carefully misted Coke Bottles, perfectly propped in manicured hands.  

 

The problems started when the Photography Head Honcho wanted to surround the Van with other vehicles to make the scene look more believable.    They asked me if I'd mind unhitching my truck from the trailer, so they could incorporate my truck into the scene.    I obliged!    I moved the truck nearby, and parked it.    But the head Honco wasn't completely happy.   He asked me if I'd mind moving the truck again.    We spent about another 10 minutes, fine tuning the placement of my truck within the confines of the parking spot.

 

Next thing I know, while I'm ever so gently inching my truck forward another .3 Millimeters, the water truck driver taps me on the shoulder:  "Hey Mr.. I think something's wrong with the pig..."      I look and I see flames shooting out the sides of the roaster.  OMG!!!!!

 

Before I got all wrapped up with the truck move, I propped open the roaster.    By then, it was cooked through, and I was trying to not overcook it.     Amateur that I was at the time, I figured by opening the roaster a little, I'd actually cool the pig.     But the opposite occurred.      More Air=More Combustion=More Heat.       Additionally, I didn't have the roaster set slightly non-level, to encourage grease to run out of the roaster, into the collection bucket.        So the combination of  1.) My being preoccupied 2.) grease accumulation 3.) Super High heat  4.) My general inexperience with the roaster....led to an unattended grease fire in the roaster.  

 

I jumped out of the truck, ran to the roaster, with the help of the Water truck driver, we removed the pig and put it out.    By then, the damage was done.  The back half of the pig was a charred mess.   

 

Just ^%$# great!!!!      If there was ever a pig that needed to be "pretty", it was this one.    Nobody cared what it tasted like.  My only job was to provide a cosmetically pretty pig....and I screwed it up, royally.    Once again, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. 

 

Fortunately, the staff assured me that they only need the facial shots of the pig anyway, and they could easily avoid bad shots.    They took it marvelously well, and assigned the blame to themselves for "distracting the Pig Guy".      The shoot continued.   The nasty blackened grease stain on the pavement next to the shoot, from the pig extinguishing, could not have been very welcome.

 

When it was all wrapped up, the crew all wanted to taste the pig.  So I started to carve it.     Now keep in mind, I was asked to "get rid of the pig" any way I saw fit.    Knowing this, I came prepared with iced coolers and empty tubs.    I broke down the pig as fast as I could.    It was an enormous amount of work for one guy, and I swore I would never do a job without a helper again.    And the 95 degree heat didn't help...in fact, I damned near passed out.    An EMT made me sit down and drink some cold water.   

 

I scooted over to the Dead show, just in time..with 100lbs of warm pulled pork in my truck.   I gave away tons of Pork sandwiches in the parking lot.  I was a big hit there.     The show was awesome, and even sweeter with a pile of cash in my pocket.      The next day, the work crowd got some leftovers.    And a huge pile of pork was given to the St. Peter's orphanage in Denville...a usual drop point for my catering overages.

 

I kept calling the ad agency to see what ever happened to the Photos they took.      They never had an answer for me.   I assumed nothing ever came of the photo shoot. 

 

These pictures still nauseate me when I see them.

The Pig Guy Screws up another pig. The Pig with it's pretty burned ass. (Black skin removed).

Notice the burn spot on the ground, near the roaster.  My truck is to the right of the van.

 

 

 

 

Please Call (973) 627-2722 to Discuss Your Event.  Usually 6pm-10pm, Weeknights.  Please leave a Message otherwise.   Also be sure to mention the potential date(s), estimated headcount, location, and the nature of the event.     Thanks!

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